wrestling with myself to know myself as an artist 

its in my posture 
its in the meals i prepare for mother who recently fell ill 
its the choice to kiss my dog on the forehead before i leave house
its the smile i give to the person i pass on my walk 
its in the large mocha i make for a customer
is in the reminders to take a deep breath 

when i was a child i knew what i wanted to be when i grew up was someone with agency 
my favorite days were the ones where i didnt have to be indoors 
the days where i could get out of school and join my mother to run errands
be in the outside world at 11am

i have found and orchestrated a life where everyday is different

in the last 3 years 
a preschool teacher 
i’ve been a gtraphic designer at a biotechnology company
a barista 
a succulent floral arranger 
a retail assistant 
and as a business owner a social media manager, videographer, illustrator, marketing director, photographer, website designer, art director, and designer 

this is on the back of undergradutate degree in gender and sexuality studies 
i stand on the backs of the incredible professors and mentors 

it genuinely brings me to tear to have done enough for myself to go back to school
to continue my education
to shed light on the capacity of my major 
that i recieved in a room with one other person 

this is on the back of relentess questioning
“what do you do with that degree?”
“you won’t make any money”
“what a waste of an ivy degree” 

this fall i pursue my masters in philosophy 
this is a meeting of the light in the distance after 3 years of yearning to go back to school
but desiring to know my creativity in application as a business owner